king of the world

christianity is hard.

trust me, if you're truly a christian you kno wat i mean. i never thot letting God back into my life wud be easy.

i'm having some major issues giving wat i'm going thru up to God. i have some serious letting go issues i need work thru. i wish i cud just let this situation go and move on, but it seems like i cant.

i feel this huge urge to scream, throw up, and run far far away. but i can't do that. God is testing me. i can feel it. i just wish i cud a little more a help if ya kno wat i mean.

its really confusing, and frustrating, and i'm not sure wat to do. i guess i'm just gonna have to pray some more. i've prayed more in the last weekend than i have in the last year altogether.

ack.

i hope everything works out for once and for all tomorrow...
if i have the guts to get the ball rolling.

I stole something from myself, and now I want it back.

I would like to share some lyrics from the talented Sarah Brightman:

Deliver me, out of my sadness.
Deliver me, from all of the madness.
Deliver me, courage to guide me.
Deliver me, strength from inside me.

Deliver me, loving and caring.
Deliver me, giving and sharing.
Deliver me, cross that I'm bearing.

It's just the two verses, but that's all I need to get my point across. Some drama went down this week, and if you're in the choir at my school you know about it. Something somebody involved got to me, and I wound up hysterical in my car driving down the highway crying and screaming at God.

My point is I need to find God again. Well I say find, but you get the point. I guess I should say see God again since He's never really lost. So, I need God to do those things for me again. I need him to give me the courage and strength I lost again. I need him to make me a better person again. So on and so forth.

There is so much I need to apologize for, and I know it's going to take time for everybody involved to be able to say what they need to say. I know for sure two of us aren't ready to get everything out yet. But, with the next few days away from eachother maybe the situation will get better, a lot better, we hope at least.

So while I'm trying to get my life back on track once again, I hope the others involved are coming to terms with it too. I'll be praying for them, and I hope they'll do the same for me. Everybody I needs a good slap in the face sometimes, and it looks like we got ours. Maybe God is trying to tell us all something. I'd take it seriously.

peace,
Emmey

the inversicle of love

so today was pretty anticlimactic. we learned about oxidation in chem. super fun!*

anywho, i took jackson home today and we did our gov't notes and took pics in a super fun field. i'll put them up tomorrow if my lazy butt will get them on the computer lol.

so i'm sittin at my computer listening to sarah brightman and blogging. its soothing in a strange way. i did decide to quit caring bout that silly boy tho. i dont need that right now anyway, and its making stuff complicated. i'm just sick of it all! fuck you valentines day! just kidding.

but really tho, enuff is enuff.

nathan coined a new term in algebra today. the inversicle. its pretty fun to use, but u sound pretty dumb if u use it out loud lol. it made me laugh tho, and bradleys foot in my face made me snort laugh. somebody drew a giant white wang on his car. that made me giggle just a little. but i digress.

i will continue to sit here and listen to my indie music(currently flightless bird, american mouth by iron and wine) and be a nerd to my hearts desire since i cant think of anything else to see.

peace bitches,
emmers

another rainy day and silly boys

so...
my bff jackson started blogging today. and i'm gonna say his name, jackson, as many times as i can because i kno jackson doesnt like to name names in jacksons blog. so just in case u didnt kno i'm talking about jackson right now.
okay i'm done with that.
jackson jackson jackson
okay really now. i'm done.
too bad i dont have the patience to make a tribute to the shining and type like 356 pages of "all work and no play makes jackson a dull boy."
that wud be amazing.
so today was pretty dull. we started the rough draft for our research papers in english, turned some work in in chem, watched a movie in french, took notes in gov't, sang in choir, rehearsed in drama, and graded stuff in algebra. and as the entire day dragged on i was thinking about a silly boy.
how can one boy mess with my brain this way?
hes just a boy so why do i like him so much? its not fair that they can mess with girls minds and not be affected by us at all. i want a refund.
anywho, i had a funny moment in algebra. this kid that sits in the very back of the class and sleeps half the time has a really girlish face so i expected him to sound like a ten year old kid opened his mouth for the first time today and man he has a bass voice!
i was like da-ha-ham! i did not expect his voice to sound like that! bradley said he thot he pissed himself lol.
i went to mountain mudd and the natural food store with jackson after school. we drank organic sodas and took pics in the rain. it was great.
and then i came home, studied, took a shower, and sat down to write this blog.
it was an okay day.
peace out bitches.

rainy monday

so...
today was monday. it actually felt good outstide today tho. that made up for it a little bit. i hate mondays cuz i usually wind up doing all my homework the night before, and i'm always groggy. cuz ya kno u get used to staying up late and then ur body doesnt wanna go to sleep sunday night wen it has to and u feel like shit monday. and i have to stay at skool until like six every monday for voice lessons and choir practice, but i usually go to sonic with jennah right after school so thats pretty cool. she actually gave me the idea to start this blog. anywho, i had chem and algebra homework. god i hate junior year. its like when is college people? i just want some excitement. i'm sick of this boring ass, nothing ever happens town. plus i just got fired from my joke of a job. like it really takes a lot of skill to sit somebody in the coltons whore house. i hated some of the people i had to work with, some of them werent very fond of me either, but idc. i kno not everyone is gonna like me and i really dont care wat they think. its a free country. i dont judge. but i digress. maybe my life will quit sucking here in a few days and i can be normal again. or at least as close to normal as i'm ever gonna get.